Who Am I Really?
Updated: Apr 19
When I was born, my birthmother named me Pamela Lynn Brown. Years later, when I found her, I asked her why she chose those names - she said simply that she had always liked them, and of course her last name was Brown.
In the State of Vermont, where I was born, in 1956 a child could not legally be adopted, nor their name legally changed until they had lived with their prospective adoptive parents for a year. My parents petitioned the probate court in Montpelier, VT on December 21, 1957 to legally adopt me. Although they'd always called me Katharine (Katie for short), my name was not legally changed until the probate court approved the adoption. I have copies of both birth certificates about which I've always felt conflicted. For a long time I wondered...."Who am I really?"and "Who would I be if I hadn't been adopted?" Would I still be the same person? Or am I both Pamela and Katie and how am I supposed to integrate the two? I don't know that there's an easy answer, although I'm relatively at peace with it now.
The laws regarding the waiting period are specific. "The purpose of having a waiting period before finalizing an adoption in Vermont is to ensure that both the birth parents and the prospective adoptive parents have enough time to carefully consider and fully commit to the adoption decision. The waiting period allows for any last-minute changes of heart or unexpected circumstances to be addressed before completing the adoption process. It also serves as a time for both parties to discuss and clarify any important details or concerns, ensuring that the adoption is in the best interest of the child.*" Obviously this law protects everyone involved in the event of some horrendous issue.
I guess for most of us, what we are called during our early months is what we respond to, even if our name is something different. I understand the reasoning behind the long period of time that needed to elapse, but how fraught and heart-stopping it must have been for your new parents to know that at any time things could change and you could have been "taken away" from them. They must have been very brave - along with all adoptive parents - to cope with this. M xx
My birth mother had chosen a name for me. I was given a name at the agency. My parents chose the names of two very special people in their lives for my name.
All of the names I have borne have been some forms of Sue. My birth mother chose Suzette. The agency chose Susan. My parents, Sue. Nobody communicated before naming me. It just happened that way.