The Decision Came Hard
Updated: Sep 28, 2024
January 1999
Irene - Birthmother
"Kate, you were never completely out of my thoughts - buried back there sometimes - but always in December. I thought of you - wondered how you were and what you were doing."
"The decision to put you up for adoption came hard. Your father and I were engaged and shortly before the wedding date, he said he didn't want to get married. There was someone else - so be it. I haven't seen him since and have no idea where he is. The Elizabeth Lund home came highly recommended and they made my decision much easier. I knew at 24 yeas of age that I couldn't raise you and give you the things in life that you deserved. I never regretted my decision."
Excerpted from the first letter Irene wrote to me after the adoption agency found her. I'll write a post later about how I found her, our subsequent conversations and the relationship that we developed over time.
It must have been so hard for your Mother to "give you up" - but so brave too. In some ways, because of the stormy and unloving relationship I had with my Mother, I often wished I had been adopted, but never knew about my real father until after my Mother died in 2019, aged 95. I wish I had known the history of my conception and birth before she died and wonder how different my life would have been if I had met my real father. M xx
The night we first made contact; my birth mother cried for ten minutes on the phone. She'd been waiting for me to find her.
Your birth mother was both practical and courageous. How did she know--how did she understand how hard it would be for you both if she kept you? Many young women imagine that somehow it will "all work out" and they make different decisions that lead to lifelong financial struggles.