She Kissed Me Goodbye
Updated: Apr 9, 2024
December 16, 1956
Burlington, Vermont
The day I was born. The room was dim, and the diffused winter sunlight struggled to pass through the slats of the old Venetian blinds. Dust motes were drifting in the late afternoon light and the room was quiet and warm. We were in a rocking chair and my mother was holding me. I was comfortable and safe in her arms, and then she kissed me goodbye and didn't come back.
I thought that my heart would break. I felt an intense, absolute, and desolate sadness and grief. This loss has formed my personality and my character, and has made me terrified of losing people, family, husbands, lovers and friends. I have spent much of my life being scared of being alone, and afraid of starving to death, both physically and emotionally.
Hello Kate - I am Mrs. HCB from Blip and found this via a post on Tookie's Blip a couple of days ago. So pleased to have linked up with you. Interesting to read that all your relationships have been affected by your adoption. I recently discovered, after DNA tests, that the man I thought was my father, wasn't. Quite a shock, but it explains a lot in my early life. My father was an American GI, who obviously met my mother when he was stationed in my home county. I am thrilled to have found two half sisters, although sadly my real father died in 1986, but M, one of my half sisters said "You would have lo…
my mother gave up a child in 1954. she was from rural tennessee, pregnant by her brother's wife's married brother. she died in 2016 without ever sharing her secret. (I was born in 1960, into a life my mother never would have had without giving up that other child)
in 2017 my cousin called to say she had found my surprise half sister on Ancestry.
the story of my sister's life is hers to tell, but I can say we all, mom, my sister, me, my sisters kids, all our relationships throughout our lives, have been affected by that decision. (not a "choice" so much as an only option). adoption is damaging.
I also heard about your blog on the…
Thank you for sharing this wonderfully written story of yourself Kate. I look forward to continue to read your story and get to know you.
Nancy
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I too share your fear of being alone and starving. My brother has difficulty forming connections with people. I look forward to catching up with your blog entries and hearing your take on being adopted. Both brother and I were adopted in the 60s.
Just heard about your blog on Daily Beans' Good News segment. Your daughter submitted a "shout out" about it. I was instantly attracted to it as I was also adopted as an infant in the Fifties. I'm in the process of writing a memoir about the experience. Your first post sounds similar to a chapter I just drafted. Congrats on your blog. I write a blog, too, but not about adoption. Perhaps we could connect sometime and compare life notes. joangriffin.substack.com